New Year’s Resolutions from Haute Macabre
New Year’s Resolutions are always a pain in the ass to make, and you never wind up keeping them. They’re always full of “I’ll work out more” or “I’ll quit smoking” or “I will stop making resolutions that I know I’ll never follow through with”.
Instead, let Haute Macabre make them for you. They’ll be easy to keep all year round, and will make your world (and the world around you) a better place.
In no particular order:
I will admit that baggy raver pants went out ten years ago, and I will never, ever wear mine ever again.
I will find a foundation that matches my skin tone.
You will be a happier person once your face and your neck are the same color. Trust us on this one.
I will not wear items with the word “gladiator” in their name or description.
This is not Ancient Rome, and you are not fighting to the death at the Coliseum.
I will not wear Converse sneakers to clubs.
We don’t care how comfortable they are.
I will not wear vinyl or PVC. Ever.
Unless you are wearing this.
I will finally acknowledge that I am too old to shop at Hot Topic.
You haven’t found anything there in years, anyway. Just let go.
I will only wear my crushed velvet Ren Faire dress to Ren Faire.
I will not wear yarn in my hair and call it “extensions”.
Yarn is for crafting, not for your head.
I will not wear neon colored accessories.
(See previous resolution)
I will stop wearing googles on top of my head.
Are you about to fly a biplane? Ride in the side car of a motorcycle? Are you a mad scientist? No? Then you don’t need protective eye gear within reach.
Have a Haute New Years, all.
Tags: New Year's Resolutions