New Year’s Resolutions from Haute Macabre | Haute Macabre

New Year’s Resolutions from Haute Macabre


New Year’s Resolutions are always a pain in the ass to make, and you never wind up keeping them.  They’re always full of “I’ll work out more” or “I’ll quit smoking” or “I will stop making resolutions that I know I’ll never follow through with”.

Instead, let Haute Macabre make them for you.  They’ll be easy to keep all year round, and will make your world (and the world around you) a better place.

In no particular order:

I will admit that baggy raver pants went out ten years ago, and I will never, ever wear mine ever again.

I will find a foundation that matches my skin tone.

You will be a happier person once your face and your neck are the same color.  Trust us on this one.

I will not wear items with the word “gladiator” in their name or description.

This is not Ancient Rome, and you are not fighting to the death at the Coliseum.

I will not wear Converse sneakers to clubs.

We don’t care how comfortable they are.

I will not wear vinyl or PVC.  Ever.

Unless you are wearing this.

I will finally acknowledge that I am too old to shop at Hot Topic.

You haven’t found anything there in years, anyway.  Just let go.

I will only wear my crushed velvet Ren Faire dress to Ren Faire.

I will not wear yarn in my hair and call it “extensions”.

Yarn is for crafting, not for your head.

I will not wear neon colored accessories.

(See previous resolution)

I will stop wearing googles on top of my head.

Are you about to fly a biplane?  Ride in the side car of a motorcycle?  Are you a mad scientist?  No?  Then you don’t need protective eye gear within reach.

Have a Haute New Years, all.

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13 Comment

  1. I’m surprised the above comments seem to be offended by this post. I found it quite funny!! I am pretty sure I did everything on that list by the time I was 18… Oh boy. I love the yarn extension comment – when I did that I think my parents thought I had lost my mind 🙂 fraggle hair!

  2. I love both TranquilBlue + AnjaFlower’s responses to this question- campy + awful=good! Even today, I look like a moving klimt painting. Neon colors are great.

    Oh, also? How about resolving to not wear foundation at all? (unless you’re onstage/in front of a camera/on a catwalk) Sure I don’t have great skin, but just rock the hell out of it + nobody cares! Gloppy/flaky/obvious foundation is worse than a few blemishes any day.

  3. Let’s see… I don’t think I need to resolve to do or not do any of these things, as I either never did or am already doing them. Fun to see how ruffled peoples’ feathers get over a lil ol’ list, though.

  4. Okay, I completely disagree on neon colors. Then again, my style is a bit dada, and more than a bit campy. I’m not afraid to look a bit off-putting and even “bad” sometimes.

    And raver pants and goggles are cute, but only on people who are clearly young, innocent and charmingly bamboozled enough to actually think that happyhardcore is awesome and they WILL be a mad scientist when they grow up.

    Since when has Hot Topic ever had anything good? Ever?

  5. Uh, I think some of you are being a bit sensitive. Everyone has his or her opinion about what looks good, and most of these opinions seem to be pretty sound anyway.

    Ah, raver pants. I used to wear them practically everyday when I was a little Gothling.

  6. Thank god someone is speaking out on the dreadful awfulness of baggy raver pants. Despite what the previous poster thinks, they don’t look good, ever, no matter who wears them.

    Especially bad is if they are covered in chains, or worse yet, neon trim, adding crap to crap is still crap. Same goes for the yarn.

  7. Oh come on. Fashion, and especially “alt” fashion, is about how you wear it, not about discussing what’s “in” or what’s “out”. I’ve seen people looking good in gladiator sandals (wich I hate) or in raver baggy pants, because they just wore them well and it matched the outfit. I’ve also (already) seen one or two girls which made the skirt from above mentioned lip service collection look plain and boring.
    I love your blog, and it makes me sad to see this kind of articles here. There is a reason why you will find those in “Glamour” and “Cosmo” but not in “Citizen K” or “ID”, isn’t there?
    Well, ok, I agree that matching foundation is important.

  8. Sorry, I usually like your blog, but I love neon accessories and find great cheap boots at hot topic on a regular basis. I think your resolutions are a little bit biased.